Why is self-care hard for SOME people? Let's go back to
neurophysiology. In the period from birth through toddler-hood, our
right brain is mostly dominant. We are experiencing the world
through our bodies (motoric and sensory) and our emotions. These
are all right-brain functions. Our left-brain, the thinking,
naming, deciding part is still "coming on line." Our caregivers
have to model behaviors such as handling overwhelming emotions and
self-regulation. Picture a new mother who has been up all night
with a fretful baby. She is able to reflect on her situation and
realize that it's not the baby's fault, that she doesn't hate the
baby, and that screaming will not help the situation. She is able
to feel loving towards her child. In response, her baby's brain is
wiring neural networks to respond to mom's emotions. The baby's
brain has begun wiring up a neural network for self-care. When
babies do not receive this kind of care, they do not have the brain
connections to move towards effective action. Instead, the brain
moves towards a "fright/freeze" or an "overexcited" response. This
pattern becomes part of the personality over time.
Due to all the
research on neurophysiology in the past decade, we now know the
brain is "plastic," meaning the brain changes in response to current
conditions. We can build new, self-care patterns. For instance,
making a decision, a left brain function, can calm down the anxious
amygdyla, a part of the right/emotional brain. So, if you are
feeling anxious, decide to take a walk. Over time, the brain wires
up for making helpful decisions. It is the choice followed by action
which causes the new wiring. Choosing a calm, stable spouse also
can work wonders for your emotional wellbeing! Therapy works best
when the relationship with the therapist involves right-brain processes
such as emotional and somatic experiences, with a quality of feeling
understood and valued. We have a biological need to feel understood.
We can learn to respond to our inner signals as effectively as to our minds.
When we find an activity or a person who helps us feel understood
we can start making the right choices which enrich our lives.
Blog #1 - Brain Health and the Brain Body Connection
Blog #2 - Brain and Self Care
Blog #3 - Stressful Activity
